To 2015 - 2016
High School Senior Lamentations

By Meredith McCain

  1. Untitled
    By Mila Antin
“The college application process is an exciting opportunity for self-discovery!”
Cue me, crying in front of a computer screen for three hours straight.
“Take time to think each question through, and put the answer that best describes you.”
Time? What time?! Here’s a thorough description of myself: I am a confused adolescent with no freaking idea of what I’m doing with my life, and I would like to go to college.
“Your answers should reflect your own personal viewpoints, not what you think the university would like to hear.”
Do you really mean this?! Or is this just a way to eliminate more applicants?
“Please elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities.”
I once babysat a kid. He was a complete brat and his mom forgot to pay me, so it was basically philanthropy work.
“Have you ever been convicted of a misdemeanor, felony, or other crime?”
Armed robbery, murder, kidnapping, the whole shebang 
“What matters to you and why?”
Getting into college, because I would like to go to college.
“How did you first hear about this university?”
You sent me 5000 emails. Do you not remember personally addressing each one to me?
“Why do you want to come to this school?”
Please let me in.
“What makes you a good candidate for our university?”
Pretty please.
“If you would like to provide details of circumstances or qualifications not reflected in the application, please do so here.”